5 Ancient and Sexist Marriage Customs in India

Indian weddings are very colorful, exciting and soulful, but it is a very tedious process, isn’t it? But it is not so for the bride. She has to sit all decked up with loads of make-up and jewelries until the auspicious moment for the wedding ceremony arrives. Some of these traditions are important as well as beautiful; some of them are very superstitious, outdated and outright sexist.

Here are some outrageously sexist marriage customs still prevalent in India:

5) Mangalsutra and Bangles

While the women in the western countries wear the wedding band which signifies marriage, the women in India have to wear mangalsutra and bangles after getting married.

In some traditions, the brides have to wear toe rings and what not. They are expected to wear these ornaments and they should never be removed.

The funniest thing is, the grooms do not have to wear any things to show that they are married. How convenient!!!

4)  Kanakanjali

This ceremony is conducted when the bride is leaving the house of her parents, or maternal residence. In this ritual the bride pays back the debt which she owes to her parents for raising her from childhood.

In some East Indian traditions, the bride says “I have paid back all your debts” as she slowly pours out a load of rice in front of her parents. This is undoubtedly the most sexist of all marriage customs in Indian society.

It shows that the girl child is considered to be a burden in Indian society and she does not even deserve the love and care of her parents.

How can a person, be it a girl or a boy and pay back all the years their parents have spent, all the sacrifices their parents made to bring them up?

3) Applying Turmeric Paste on Bride’s Skin

The custom of applying turmeric paste on the bride’s body before the wedding, is the most auspicious and exciting event. There are many variations of this custom in various states of India.

Turmeric and other spices are made into a paste and are applied on the bodies of the bride and the groom by their family members and relatives to cleanse their skin. One of the reasons being, to make the bride appear fairer and it is also a great time when the bride’s and the groom’s family members mingle with each other.

In certain rural regions the “haldi” is presented to the bride, from the groom’s side, which has been used by the groom. In certain Bengali marriage customs, the bride is expected to sit under the elbow of the groom, which is covered in turmeric paste, which is washed down on top of the bride.

Well, this custom does not make any sense as well it is very unhygienic!

2) Washing the Holy Feet of the Groom

This is a very beautiful and a very common tradition in many cultures of India. Just kidding!!! It varies from culture to culture. In some traditions, the bride washes the feet of the groom, while in other traditions; the bride’s parents wash the feet of their son-in-law (to-be).

This tradition has its roots to that time when the groom has to walk bare feet, from one village to another. As technology advanced, and various means of transport have been established, nobody walks bare feet nowadays. We have shoes now. So this tradition should really be challenged and abolished.

It is insulting as not only the women always have to bow down near their husbands’ feet; their parents also have to touch the feet of someone who is very young to them. It is downright humiliating!!!

1) Kanyadaan

This tradition dates back to many centuries. It is the act of giving the bride away, in the hands of the groom. This is the custom which is of significant importance. If we break down the word “Kanyadaan”, we’ll see it consists of two words, “kanya” which means a virgin, and “daan” it means giving away.

It literally is the act of giving a daughter away as a charity. It is also, “kanya daan” not “stree daan” because only a virgin maiden has the power of absolving her parents of the sin of giving birth to a girl child.

In this ritual, only the male members of the bride’s family are allowed to give away the bride. If the father is absent, the responsibility goes to another male member of a girl’s family, not her own mother.

All this ancient Hindu rituals which are still in practice, even in this 21^st century, portrays how sexually chauvinist the society in India is. India in spite of her technological, medical, educational advancement, India has not been able to shake off its ancient and obsolete traditions and customs. These customs which always lowers the value and make the women inferior compared to the men.

In a country where women like Kalpana Chaula, Mary Kom, Saina Nehwal, Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle, Padmavati Bandopadhyay are born, it still makes me wonder why there are so much gender discrimination and sexism when it comes to marriage. I still cannot figure out why girls and women are always denied the right to be equal, the right to be respected, and the right to be loved and cherished as much as men are.

Why do women always have to bow down and be subservient to men when it is the women who give birth to men?